In my 13th grade English class, I had to write the story of Hansel and Gretel in the style of another writer. Being children at heart, Amanda Whitteker and I decided to write in the style of Dr Seuss.
Sidenote: It's long - but it's worth a quick read!
Final Sidenote: Best if read out loud in Suess-esque rhyme style
This is the story that pursued:
HOW I SURVIVED AT THE FOREST OF STRIZE
When I was quite young
And small for my size
I met an old woman in the Forest of Strize
That is a story I'll never forget
At least not now... not ever... not yet!
Finding myself in a most unpredictable place
I tried and tried to keep a smile on my face
It all started one day at my house in Dublador
When my father and wicked step-mother became quite poor
With a frown on her mubbly-dubbly face,
She said to my father, "Get them out of this place!
Life will be so much better for the two of us
Without so much of your children's fuss!"
So my father with a double-d-broken heart
Did not want to do it right from the start.
Seeing no other way to get out of this frat,
He led my sister and I away without a spat.
I, being ever-so-ever-so smart
Left a trail of stones smaller than clart.
And I whispered to Gretel, ever so quiet
"We'll find our way back without so much as subliet!"
Leaving us there, he cried, "I'm sorry, my dears!"
And he ran away, his eyes thneeding with tears.
Imagine his WAZAA when we knocked on the door
He was so happy, he fell to the floor!
Now our Zomba-ma-tant of a stepmother said, "We can't live in this way!
Take them back! Make them STAY!"
So our father, a little afraid of his wife
Said, "Yes dear, right now" without a brife
And as I realized this was no more a joke,
I left a trail of bread crumbs as big as a throke
"OH NO!" I cried as my father ran out of sight
"The birds ate my bread! They ate it up right!"
It started to get dark, it started to get cold
It started to get bluck, it even started to zafold
Being hungry and tired, I said with such fright
"I GIVE UP! THAT'S IT! I WON'T PUT UP A FIGHT!"
"But Hansel, don't worry," said Gretel with cheer
"There's a gingerbread house over there, quite near"
So we ran to the house and exclaimed with such might
"We can eat and eat and eat and EAT EAT EAT ALL NIGHT!"
As we took our first bite, the door opened with a BLEEEET
And out came a lady, so nice and so sweet
"Come in, COME IN, Eat all you want!
I'll feed you and feed you and feed you sublant!"
After feeding us til our hearts content
She put Gretelto bed and locked me up in a tent
"Hey just a minute!" I screamed tizzle topped tufted Mazurka surlupped
"Gretel! Wake up, wake UP, wake UP UP AND UP!!"
She fed me and fed me to make me so fat
And Gretel, her servant, could do nothing but stare at
My fingers ane toes, they started to grow
"Stop eating like that, dear Hansel, my bro,
or you'll end up being chicken soufflow!"
Knowing Gretel was right, we came up with a plan
I stuck out a Katroo bone when she asked for my hand
"Snooker and flooker and dutter and flutter!
You're not getting much fatter," she started to mutter.
And so with a shrug and snipping-slot-scotter
She said, "I'll eat you anyway with butter-top motter"
As she prepared the fire, so glowing and bright
I yelled to Gretel, "PSST! Push her in without fright!"
Gretel, so strong and so brave as she was,
Pushed her into the fire and yelled WAKAMUS!!
Grabbing her keys, she opened the tent
She yelled, "Let's get out of here!!" I knew what she meant!
Taking a handful of window and a fistful of floor
We looked at each other and ran out the door
We ran and we ran and we ran RAN RAN RAN
Right into the river of Kukamasan
All of a sudden, we heard a big shout
"HANSEL! GRETEL! I'm sorry, no doubt!"
We stopped and we turned to see who it was
There stood our father, his face covered with schmuz
"I've been lookng and looking and looking so much
Your stepmother's gone, she ran off with Mr. Zafluch
Now we can live so happy and dear
In a house of red brick, right here on the pier!"
"OH FATHER" Gretel and I exclaimed with such glee
"We'll live happily and everly and afterly free!"
So this is my story, I swear it's all true...
You should hear the one about the Desert of Fetterliloo!!
Ah yes - what a fun project.